i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
