Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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