We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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