i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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