Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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