So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
