how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize