Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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