Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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