i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
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He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
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