I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I faked an abortion last night.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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