So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
