Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
