Only a mothe r could love this liver
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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