Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
