And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
