her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
