...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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