i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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