I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
