I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
