is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
