sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
