I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
