yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
