; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
