he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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