I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
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Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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