I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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