Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
