Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
