Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize