I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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