the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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