Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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