hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
