took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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