If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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