First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Randomize
