It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
