Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
