Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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