Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
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how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
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I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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