life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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