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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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