I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
