420 ftw
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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