If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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