i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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