even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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