Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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