You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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