You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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