Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
