Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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