I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
