I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
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I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
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Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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