Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I deserve this hangover.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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