The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
