i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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