My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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