her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
