Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
im on a boat
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