I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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