sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
