She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
