I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
