So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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